My Monster and I
My Monster And I is a Song about accepting my childhood trauma and my wild and angry side. This untamed anger saved my life as a child that experienced violence in my foster family, the loss of my real family and mobbing on schoolyards. I never felt like I belonged somewhere, I always felt somehow alienated from the rest of the world. Inside I carried the horrors of my early childhood, nobody ever seemed to know how to react to my story, so I buried it under anger, smiles and rebellion.
When I wrote My Monster And I, the pandemic was raging. I couldn’t keep on distracting myself with the glitter and gold from drunk nights, beautiful travels, affairs or toxic love stories, I had to sit down with my darkness and embrace it. By now I really love my minds’ ability to distract itself – I would not have made it without it. Now I have safe grounds to work through my childhood for the first time and it amazes me, how a hurting soul can find its ways to fight for lightness, good feelings and for being alive so wildly.
I always lived and loved so hard that I gave my whole self to moments, nights, people and adventures, I was always able to feel joy as deeply as I felt darkness and both of them were consuming me at most of my teenage years. I love my weird little hurting soul by now, the monsters under my bed are gone, and I can look my past in its eyes. And I’m getting better, every day, unlearning what I have learned, accepting of my monsters and loving and aching in healthy ways.